TTC: No Ettiquette to Speak of.

In Ontario, the legal age to drive is 16. Attaining your license here goes like this; One ventures to a government office with 2 pieces of I.D. (Make sure one of them has your photo on it), about $145 dollars (Take a little extra in case you fail the first time), and has their picture taken, their signature recorded and writes a test of 40 questions. They tell you pass or fail about 15 minutes after you've finished.

If you are not an idiot or just really good at deceiving us all into thinking you aren't, they give you a paper temporary license, and you can start driving that day. As long as you have someone with or more years of blessed EXP. in the passengers seat.

After 8 months to a year of scaring the shit out of the people who've reluctantly let you drive their car, and paying for driving school (unless you want to wait a full year) you can do more with only yourself in the car. And that carries on for another 8-12 months and then you are fully license and can start running weed from Canada into the U.S.

Why am I writing this? It might not make sense to everyone that doesn't live in Ontario, and for those that do they simply just give no fuck cause they did it all years ago and dread the day they have to go back. But really, I'm just overstating the fact, in a glorious manner, that I took public transit most of my life. I say most cause now I'm just another idiot on the road. Maybe you'll see me one day soon. I'll be the driver making funny faces at you and bouncing around while his girlfriend is rolling her eyes so hard that she's astrally projected herself into some beautiful dimension of the collective consciousness's sense of peace, where everything tastes like the beautiful butterflies you get when you tried to walk across a fallen tree over a small stream when you were little and I have manners or a sense of shame.

But I don't and I will continue to smear my flattened face on the window, or scream like someone infirm teenager who's hormones confuse his sense of wanting to eat a pudding cup, or fuck it.

But yes. I took public transit. Here in Toronto, we call it the TTC. It stands for Toronto Transit Commission. The local joke is that it means take the car.

The TTC can be compared to the circulatory system of a living organism. It gets people from one place to another. We have buses, streetcars and a little subway system. It's quaint until someone suggests to raise fares or cut service to a certain route. The public has a very strong love/hate relationship with the TTC. On one hand it's unionized so that pisses of a lot of people. Mostly people who aren't in unions. And on another, it has made itself the only option. It is a monopoly. They almost literally own our asses.

I guess both of those points can be put into the same hand as they both can be seen as negative, while I use the other hand to masturbate, into a “What's On Toronto” pamphlet while crying. In fact if you ask anyone they will tell you that they hate the TTC. What they might not be able to tell you is why. Sure, they may tell you the same old bullshit about prices, and that we only have 2 subway lines, or that the drivers are all cunts. But it's deeper than that. I think it's our total disdain of other people.

I kinda like people a lot of the time. More like I like watching people, and something that I started notice in the last few years is that people will take the aisle seat. It almost feels like these people are in some way handicapped. Think about it. When you were a kid and you got on the bus or subway, the first thing you did was probably crawl up into a seat and look at the window and gaggle at things. This is normal, and I still like looking out the window. Also, when I take a seat, I take the farthest one because I don't want people fucking climbing over me everyday on the way to work. 

But now people are taking the aisle seat, and if someone wants to sit next to them they do this weird half turn, and the guy standing has to squeeze by. It's funny to watch. You can see the sense of inconvenience on the aisle sitters face, and the pleading look of "PLEASE HURRY BEFORE THE BUS STARTS MOVING AND I LOSE ALL BALANCE AND FALL ON YOU" on the one who just got on.

Really, is it that hard to stand up and get the fuck out of the way? It's actually easier to do that instead of creating this little drama Monday to Friday. If you are a leaner, a person who can't stand to give someone else a seat, I hope someone farts on you. That is actually less disgusting than the sour look you give the the random stranger for this slight upon your house that they would dare ask you to move the fuck over or get the fuck out of the way.

We hate other people so much that the simplest courtesy can no longer be granted without letting them know that we can't stand doing it for them, no matter what it is. Old lady in line at the grocery market slowly counting out change? Fuck her, just pay and go, we have no time for you and your nickel that you swore was in your goddamn change purse last week.